Honestly, I feel a little heartbroken (but not really) because I went to hang out with my neighbor tonight. We had some beers and chilled and shared some laughs, and as the night carried on, he asked if I wanted to take a walk, and I said yeah since I wanted the two of us to get away from his step-brother. So we walk and sit in front of the school around 8:30 at night. We get to talking and there were nothing but secrets between the two of us because neither of us wanted to talk about past relationships, but he starts getting closer and closer, next thing I know, he’s got his arms around me and I knew at that moment that he really wasn’t looking for a relationship, just a f*ck buddy. His face came close to mine, and he tried to kiss me. Honestly, I wanted to kiss him too, but I held back because I’m not going to put myself in a position to get hurt by a guy again. I really wanted this to become a relationship though, because for some reason, I found myself attracted to him and he’s even a good looking guy. But, as we were sitting there in front of the school, we get to talking more and he tells me that he has a son, yeah, A SON! C’mon now, why did he not bring this up the first day we met? The mood completely changed after he told me he had a son, I pushed him away and I became cold toward him. I told him that I wasn’t about to mess with a guy who has a son and he straight up told me he was just looking to have sex and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I told him that’s what a wanted, and things just got complicated from there. He took me home, we hugged, he kissed my cheek and I backed away, and he asked why I didn’t give him a kiss and I just said, “what’s the point?” And we separated. So, now I don’t know where things go from here. If I try to stay friends with him, he’s just going to try and turn us into friends with benefits, which is not what I’m looking for. But, honestly, I miss that closeness with a guy. I feel like I’m going to give in, not to have sex with him, but to have him just be there so we can cuddle and watch a movie as friends, but we all know that’s not what’s going to happen because he’s just another guy who just wants one thing. I’ve got terrible luck when it comes to men. I hate this, I really want a boyfriend who respects me, but I just can’t fall for those nice guys. I can’t stop falling for the jerks.

I don’t know if I’m just getting old or if my classes and jobs are just wearing me out but I’ve been crazy tired pretty much all the time and it made me so disoriented, I’ve been dropping things, bumping into things so I have a bunch of bruises and been zoning out way too much. Well, just four more weeks of school, and hopefully I’ll be able to get more sleep.

I have such a hard time accepting compliments, I don’t know why. Today one of the ladys I work with came up to me and told me that the orchid I gave her last year (or the year before that, I can’t remember) started to bloom in her office. She told me that’s never happened before for her and said that I must have good genes lol. I was just sitting there, with an awkward laugh saying ‘thank you’ over and over until she left lol. But anywho, she’s too nice to me sometimes.

I went into work today at Cal Poly and my boss comes up to me and tells me that we’re getting less hours this quarter so I lost an hour which means I only have 9 hours a week and I was making a meager amount of money so far. Really bummed me out, so I’m hating work at Cal Poly more and more each time I go there. But, on the bright side, I went into work at Ontario for my first day of work. It kind of sucks that they stuck me doing the library stuff because I’m already experienced in the library so I’m pretty much doing the exact same thing I’ve been doing for years. I really don’t want to end up doing library work for too long. The bright side is my new boss is way better than my current boss because she actually has good conversations with me lol and she’s hilarious. I laugh at her jokes, not like my current boss, where I just give her those awkward laughs because I don’t know what to say. Another bright side is some Wednesdays, I get to do tutoring! Finally, getting to work with children, I can’t wait. And hopefully then I’ll be able to make some new co-workers (I hope I do have co-workers lol). The Ontario is so fancy, too! They have their own cafe! How awesome is that?! If I forget to pack a lunch or something, I can just go to the cafe and order something to eat! LOL And the library is so clean and pretty, I love it. I’m going to have to get a library card lol.

Something that really made my day was when the lady who hired me said, “I don’t know where to put you, everyone wants you!” Awesome, I love how I already have a good reputation :) hehe